Coming Into Being

This is the first time since I became a Christian in 1994 that I did not notice the beginning (or even the middle) of Advent. Of course, Advent is the season of four weeks before Christmas, and it is an especially big deal in the (my) Episcopal Church. In 1998 or so I wrote a piece for my then church's Advent readings devotional; every year since then I tried to write something, even if only for myself, and I devoted more time and energy to spiritual reading and prayer. The past few years I have been reading "Watch for the Light", a collection of Advent and Christmas Christian readings published by Plough Publishing (as in, formerly swords?). This is not easy stuff; we're not talking Hot Chocolate for the Christian Soul, or anything. These are the likes of Bonhoeffer and Eckhart and Nouwen. I love the book, but this year I forgot all about it (and Advent) until December 18 or so. My advent wreath, which is an artificial (in my case) evergreen wreath with holders for four candles, one to be lit on each Sunday in Advent, sits aside, no candles in it.

In the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the non-Christian meaning given for "advent" is "coming into being or use." How interesting, then, that the advent of Abigail occurred this year, this year when the advent of Christ almost escaped my notice. This has been a cautionary concept for me -- not that I am giving myself a hard time for being distracted, overtired, stressed, and sick -- I feel that it's going to be increasingly important in my life to remember His Advent and to acknowledge it with the bending of knee and the pouring out of all the passionate gratitude I feel.

Both the Christ and Abby Jane were of course babies at their advent, and both were "begotten, not made," as the Creed states (though I'll acknowledge she was begotten in a much more pedestrian way). The other day, as I was listening to Christmas music on our satellite channel, "Silent Night" came on. Bing Crosby, or Andy Williams, or someone like that. Abby Jane happened to be in my arms, drinking a bottle, and I was looking down into her little face, quietly singing along to the song. All at once, the words struck me -- lyrics I've heard and sung a thousand times: "Holy infant so tender and mild, Jesus, Lord at Thy birth, Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth." The enormity of God choosing to become this tiny, helpless, poopy and sleepy and precious little sort of creature -- an infant -- really hit me for the first time. My tears dripped onto Abby's face. (She didn't mind.) Infants are indeed so tender, so mild. I was taught that our estrangement from God is the reason that we grownups are neither so tender nor so mild. I guess my wish for the rest of this Advent and for the rest of my life that I try to be as worthy of that little infant Savior as I try to be of my infant daughter.

One last thing and I'll ease up on the religious stuff. I know that those of you who read this blog are of varying religious or spiritual beliefs and practices. Nevertheless, I'm going to make a blanket request of all of you, and also ask you to pass on the address of this blog and pass on the request to anyone you know whose heart might embrace it. My request is that you pray for my little family, for D and me, for S & R my stepkids, and for little Abby Jane. I request that you pray for my health to be restored, for our troubles and stresses and fears and sorrows to be eased. Please pray that we get the chance in 2008 to live life laughing together, enjoying each other, growing and exploring, instead of trying to learn how to stick together and survive. Although I am so grateful for Abby and my other kids, and so grateful for the strong bonds that developed between me and D this year, I fervently, desperately pray that next year be a better one for all of us. Please pray that we will all be closer to God, and that this is the advent of our new lives full of Christ's peace, which as we know, He freely gives.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27