So I'm sitting here on the couch, Abby snoozing next to me. She is OUT. Unfortunately, she didn't drink enough formula before she fell asleep, so I know she'll be up soon to have some more. The only reason this is unfortunate is that I need to go to CVS and the vet before physical therapy, and I don't want to leave until Abby's belly is full and she is fat & happy. Waking a sleeping infant, especially to feed her, doesn't seem to work very well for me.
In other news, however, guess who is (sort-of) sleeping through the night! She has, for the past several days, had her last bottle some time around 10-11 pm and not wakened until 5 am for another one! Not only does this mean Mommy gets a lot more sleep, it means that Mommy gets to say hello to her husband in the morning (who wakes at 5 am to go to work) instead of being comatose while he gets up and out the door. All good. We are hoping that this long sleep time of hers is not a temporary thing caused by her cold. Abby and Mommy both have colds, you see, and we both like to sleep longer when we have colds. We also both like to whine when we have colds.
Abby is getting cuter every day. She has a huge, toothless smile and she flashes it often. She also talks -- well, babbles -- all day long. Like her mother, any time she is awake, she is sharing her thoughts with the world. She is starting to grab and hold toys, and for the first time she has noticed her mobile. Her eyes look like they might stay blue, like her daddy's. I love the way she sleeps, with her arms straight out to her sides. What a sweet innocence, to feel so safe and protected that you can assume such a vulnerable posture and expect nothing bad to happen. My theory is that half the reason I tend to curl up with fists under my chin while I sleep is that I'm preparing to fight off some demon or other. Bob and weave. Of course, even if I wanted to sleep arms akimbo, there'd be no room in our queen-sized bed because together, even curled up, D and I make up a king-sized person.
Speaking of arms akimbo, I walk that way, too, to keep my balance. The exercises my physical therapists have given me for my back and core ab muscles are great and they work really well. I don't manage to do them every day (somehow, Torchwood seems more important sometimes), but I wish I did. Still, my balance is not what it should be, and lately my knees occasionally have been buckling and my ankles are aching. I haven't fallen down, but a few times I haven't been able to pick Abby up out of her bouncy seat (on the floor) on the first try because my legs failed me. This is not good. I clearly need to work on the muscles in my legs, but the PTs think that if I start doing too much work with my legs before my core is stronger, my back is just going to get worse. Since the left side of my rib cage already feels like it's encased in hot cement, I don't really want my back to feel any worse. So, it's kind of a rock-and-a-hard-place kind of situation. I need a baby sherpa.
In the area of good news, my employer has just extended maternity leave benefits to 18 weeks at full pay. This is fabulous news. Not only do I get to spend more time intimately with Abby, but I have a longer time to prepare for the stress and shock of being back at work after nearly a year off. My last day of work was April 4, 2007. My next day of work will be March 24, 2008. Can you imagine? I feel like I have forgotten everything I knew (which wasn't much in the first place). I have had two staff members turn over while I was gone and another get engaged to be married. I hope I will use some of my remaining maternity leave to read up on the latest ethics rulings (I do ethics law, in case you didn't know), etc., but somehow I think I'll probably watch Torchwood instead. The other bit of work-related good news is that the firm has agreed to allow me to start back to work from home, instead of from the office. This is excellent news, mostly because I don't think I have the stamina to commute every day and also spend all day sitting at a desk, but also because I love working from home and I love cutting the 1.5-2-hour commute out of my day. I will be proposing a time period, probably for the rest of 2008, to try the work-from-home scenario and then we can reevaluate whether it's working for everyone and should be continued. I am optimistic!
One more thing about motherhood. I'm not that worried about day care, when it comes time for Abby to go there, but I am finding it extremely nerve-wracking (read: impossible) to choose a non-family babysitter to stay alone with Abby for a few hours here and there. I guess I feel like not much bad can happen to her while she's in a fully-staffed center with lots of adults and other kids around, but who knows what will go on with some stranger alone in our house? This is a problem. Did you other moms (or dads) feel like this?
OK, I think I have no choice but to wake the baby and try to get her ready to run errands. It's rainy outside. Sigh. I'd much rather stay in, cuddle up with her on the couch, and watch Torchwood.
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