Abby turned six months old on Friday. She is so much a part of what I live and breathe that I don't notice her growing. She always seems huge, always seems curious, always seems happy -- and then suddenly her clothes don't fit. I'm not explaining this well; it's not that she is static, but that she is so miraculously changing in every moment that I accept her never-the-sameness as if the changing itself were her status quo. I am surprised when the rest of the world -- grandparents, clothes, toys -- suddenly seem thrown off by her changes. Ah, I think I can't explain this. As the judge says, "Move on, counselor."
My daughter remains a thoroughly happy, smiley kid. When she is not outright smiling or laughing, she is a intently focused Buddha baby. She puts on a very serious face and holds the object of her curiosity with both hands right in front of her and stares, frowning, at it -- my necklace, a washcloth, a spoon, her father's hand -- or, she sits comfortably, in Cobbler's Pose, and takes in everything around her with a completely serene gaze, full of wisdom and equanimity. As you may be able to tell, I could content myself with watching her all day.
Abigail has begun solid foods. So far, she hates rice cereal, and is unsure about bananas. However, she is fairly pleased with green beans, and she loves apples, oatmeal, and sweet potatoes. She will be an autumn girl, like her mama. She also farts like her mama, unfortunately. She loves to snooze in her swing (why don't they make those for adults?), and she is fascinated by Baileydog and Oscarkitty. Oscar never comes close enough, but Bailey seemingly intentionally approaches the baby and lets Abby pull her hair in great gobs. It is amazing to me that I can continue to love my husband and my stepkids just as much as ever (not to mention Barack Obama, the Penguins, my ring, good stationery and chocolate), and still love Abby Jane more than I thought possible. It's true that your heart just grows and grows.
As for those of you who want an update on me & my health: things are a bit weird right now. I am feeling stronger and more optimistic lately, for three main reasons: first, we have enlisted a phalanx of sitters to help me with getting Abby to and from day care. As annoying financially as that is -- and it is VERY annoying -- the opportunity to go for weeks now without having to lug her long distances has really helped my back recover. No longer do I feel in constant danger of throwing out my lumbar muscles just by walking or moving. Second, I started aqua therapy at my physical therapy place. This is also financially annoying -- almost undoable -- because my insurance doesn't cover it. We are trying to do it such that the therapist only goes with me some of the time and the rest of the time I go on my own. Either way, the aqua therapy is great. Not only do I feel that satisying feeling of muscle usage that I haven't felt in over a year, but just being in the heated therapy pool and being able to move my body in a lighter, less compressed way feels so incredibly good. I love it.
Third, there is the reason that makes my friends cringe. I am seeing an energy healer. His name is Mietek Wirkus. He is an old, Polish dude who apparently senses energy blockages and deficits and is able to manipulate your energy field and transfer his own energy to you in order to improve your overall health as well as healing specific injuries. I don't know exactly what to say about this -- after all, I'm the one who quit acupuncture because it made me uncomfortable and seemed like a load of horse manure. But I went to Mietek because my shrink suggested it, and I trust my shrink, so I went. And during my first session with the old man, all I can say is that I felt that God was in it. He is the most unassuming, quiet and caring guy you can imagine -- probably nothing like you're picturing -- and he hardly says anything because he barely speaks English, but there is something in it. So, I'm going to a healer.
The result of all this? It still seems to ebb and flow. Right now, my back feels stronger, especially in the lumbar, and it hurts a lot less. My neck is starting to ache, so I guess we'll have to figure that out. My left-hand dexterity seems to be worsening lately, and my balance has been way off. I am careening and bumping around the house so much that, as Joy said on My Name Is Earl, "I have so many bruises I look like a woman in one of those Lifetime movies." I need my cane whenever I go out, and going to the office for a few hours on a given day completely exhausts me. It took me nearly 25 minutes to walk 2 blocks in downtown DC the other day. And yet, somehow, I can tell that I'm improving. Maybe it's because I can feel that my core muscles are getting stronger, and I know that's the key. Also, my stress level is down, which probably makes me feel safer and more optimistic. The exercise in the pool is much more than I've gotten in a very long time, and adding that to my intentional efforts to meditate and the pure joy of spending time with Abby, I am starting to feel better, even though objective circumstances haven't changed all that much.
Well, more about my other kids later. This morning I accidentally melted some of the baby's things in the bottle sanitizer, because I forgot to add water before microwaving. Oops. I need to go buy some more stuff to replace the melted things before I go back to work. More pictures of Abby forthcoming, too -- I need to find the cord that connects my camera to the computer in order to download them. Bother.
