A Snapshot

S, our 6 year old, lately is full of conversation. I mean, she always was, but now she has no interest whatsoever in not talking. She also composes stories (or maybe she's recalling them from books) and regales us with them, through all manner of disruptions. I feel pretty sure that if the house were burning down but she was in the middle of a story, she would keep talking over the sounds of crashing timbers and crackling upholstery. She is also absolutely beautiful. Her hair is so long -- she professes an intention to let it grow to her feet, which always makes me think of Crystal Gayle, who probably only washed her hair once a week and with the help of four people. I hope her mother (S's, not Crystal's) doesn't let it get that far. S also loves lengthy and somewhat tedious guessing games. Tedious because they're like this: she says, "I am thinking of a type of leaf. Can you guess what it is?" She also needs a lesson in tact, but I for one am not sure how or whether to give it to her. Examples: "this light show is more boring than last year" or "I don't even like these books [which she forgot that I had given her] anyway." Obviously that's not right -- but what do I do? In the latter case, I said, "Well, I wish you had said that in a different way, because I bought those books for you and it makes me feel bad to know that you don't like them." I probably blew it.

S's new boyfriend is Mitchell. I am surprised by how matter-of-fact she is about having a boyfriend. No blushing or giggling . . . in her mind, obviously everybody knows that each 6 year old girl either does or should have a boyfriend. So in that she's probably right on target with popular opinion among 6 year olds (similar to 36 year olds). This makes me think of the scene in "Love, Actually" where the little boy finally tells Liam Neeson that his big crisis is "the total agony of being in love", and when Liam says, "what does she -- he -- feel about you?" Are there 6 year old girls with girlfriends? Boys with boyfriends? I wonder; I keep reading that modern teenagers, for example, are so much more bi-curious and "bi-active" than we were, although they just kind of don't identify themselves with a sexual preference. It's a free for all, I guess. [How did I get on that topic? No wonder my mother-in-law is distressed by my blog.] I had a "boyfriend" in first grade, come to think of it. That meant we kissed once and that we had an especially good time playing together. So maybe things haven't changed that much. One thing I've noticed: S knows everything about Mitchell's preferences. His favorite food, day of the week, color, probably his favorite type of leaf. I am not sure whether I think that skill of deciphering boys will serve her well in the future, or if I should be teaching her to care less what they think and to spend more time deciding what she thinks. I think I just answered my own question.

Our 4 year old boy, R, is changing even faster. He is so articulate, even when he doesn't know the right words. He knows all the nursery-rhyme songs and will sing them with gusto (and repeatedly) when prompted. He still loves to shake his naked butt before bathtime while singing "Shake Your Booty," and he laughs deep in his belly. He is passionately in love with television. The other day, I also heard him wandering around humming the leitmotif for the Empire from the Star Wars movies (no, we didn't let him watch them, but I guess mom did). His hair is ever-so-slightly darkening. Because he looks exactly like D did at that age, we're pretty sure that eventually -- by high school, say -- he will have his dad's black hair instead of the red/gold/platinum he has had til now. R is also incredibly sweet to Abby. He kisses her head so gently, and he shows real wonder and joy when she does things like grasp his finger in her tiny fist. I think they're going to be real buddies. R is also very much a boy -- a rambunctious child bursting with energy who runs pell-mell around the house and often shows affection with head butts. It doesn't help that he realizes he looks just like Dash from The Incredibles. We need a movie or kids' show about some sedentary boy to come along and enrapture him.

Abby, meanwhile, is 8 1/2 pounds now, and -- hold your breath -- she actually slept through the night last night. I was so shocked when she woke me and I saw that the clock read 4:54 that I woke D up just to tell him. Typically, of course, I was worried there was something horribly wrong, while D was going, "Oh, good girl!!!!" She is gaining plenty of weight and getting plenty of formula, so I know she's fine. More than fine. I'm sure we won't get another night like that for a while, but she does seem to be an expert sleeper (like her mama). She has started sticking out her tongue, possibly because we stick ours out at her, and she is very interested in looking at our faces, although she does look away, too. I've read that when babies look away, you should let them. Never move to reestablish yourself in their field of vision, because they're looking away to avoid overstimulation. I am very sympathetic to the desire to avoid overstimulation. Unfortunately, Abby Jane has also lately waited until her diaper is off to pee, which is kind of not the point. I have washed a LOT of clothes in a LOT of Dreft.

For some reason, the cat has taken periodically to peeing on our shower mat, speaking of peeing. He seems okay with the baby, but maybe this is his way of demonstrating annoyance at the relative drop in attention from me. All I know is that if he pees on our wedding photos again, I won't be able to stop D from killing him. The dog, Bailey, has developed a very protective streak for Abby, having apparently realized that she's a little person. If the baby is crying and I'm not responding, say because I'm in the kitchen trying to heat up her bottle, the dog will come find me, as if to say, "But Anne, you need to help the baby -- she's distressed." Or maybe she's saying, "Can you not hear that?? What's wrong with you? Make it stop!"

Finally, D and I are tired, but I think we're doing okay. (I wonder if he agrees? Maybe I should ask him.) Sometimes his experiences with S and R, and the calm assurance that comes from them, is extremely reassuring, but when I'm less charitable, it can be annoying. Of course, it doesn't come close to the level of annoyance I provide for him. Luckily, neither of us seems to respond to sleep deprivation with overt irritability -- most of the time -- so we're doing pretty well. We are even hosting a little bit on Christmas.

My physical symptoms haven't gone away. I am not using the walker very much, but more because it's inconvenient than because I'm not wobbly. [I must say, it's also inconvenient not to have the walker, though. I had sort of used it as a moving end table; carrying the phone handset, the TV remote, my cup of tea, whatever . . . .] I carry Abigail on the stairs in the Baby Bjorn each morning because that way I can use both hands to steady myself and move slowly. Around the house, between the beds and cradles and couches and Pack N Plays, we do okay. I don't think I could descend the stairs with her in one arm. I can't hold her with only one arm that long. I keep watching for improvements, but I think it's going to be impossible until (a) my c-section stops hurting completely, (b) my back stops hurting and (c) I can get back to physical therapy and get my muscles going again. This is supposed to be allowed after my 6-week appt with the ob-gyn. I am optimistic. Much of what I feel now seems to be related to fatigue, atrophy, and muscle spasms/tightness, rather than neurological deficits. We'll see if the doctors agree in the beginning of February, when I do the rounds at Hopkins again. Happily, right now I only weigh 5 pounds more than I did before I got pregnant, but unhappily, I was already about 15 pounds overweight before I got pregnant and I also have absolutely no muscle tone left (which, of course, weighs more).

The baby is sleeping. What the heck am I doing blogging? I should be taking the opportunity to eat something, or at least wrap some presents. Why don't you do that, too -- go eat something, or wrap a present for someone?