And now I'd like to take a moment and say, "What the f---?!" I know that after the baby comes, D and I are supposed to suffer sleep deprivation severe enough to make us forget each other's names, not to mention why we live together, but before?? I would like to know what kind of a vindictive God would give us the propensity, say, to be stomach or back sleepers, such that nothing else feels right, only to grow our babies on the front of our stomachs and put very important, apparently nonsquishable, major blood vessels down our backs? And if it's not God's fault, then it's definitely the fault of those sadistic, officious authors of pregnancy books, all of whom insist that you sleep on your left side, the "good mother side," the only position that allows all your internal organs to fit comfortably, all your vital fluids to flow smoothly, and your growing baby, apparently, to grow. Do I sound touchy? I'm sorry. After a week or so of having reached the breaking point with my 4-foot-long "boyfriend pillow," when no sleep behavior works for both me and the baby, when even my husband's restless leg syndrome, snoring and cover-hoggery seem like small potatoes compared to the relentless, achy, throbbing pain of trying to lie on my sides (I'm a right-side mother, too, so *&%$! sue me), I am touchy. I suppose the whole situation is worsened by the fact that I've just had NECK SURGERY and my NECK doesn't want to be contorted by all these pillows -- expensive, down-filled pillows which I now loathe and imagine roasting in a giant ducky bonfire -- but I've seen enough women bitching about this problem in enough pregnancy memoirs to know that surgery is not necessary to make sleep in the almost-third trimester a total, miserable, weep-inducing disaster.
When did this national obsession with left-side sleeping hit? I can't imagine that some time between polishing off each Friday night's $.25 pitchers of beer at the officers' club and finishing her pack of Marlboro Lights, my mom settled me and herself carefully down for a comfortable sleep on her left side. Of course, maybe it was the obstructed blood flow in Mom's inferior vena cava that turned me into such a nutcase, who needed neck surgery at age 38 and now can't walk, but DAMN, I want to lie on my back! Forget that, actually -- that's pie in the sky. I just want to sleep for an hour at a time, for 60 whole minutes before I wake up, spasming in pain, and have to wrestle my pillows around so that I can sleep on the other side of my body for another five seconds before I need to move again.
It's not only my neck, and it's not only the solid-rock, total-rib-cage, 24/7 muscle spasm I've endured for the past four months, either (which feels a bit like a corset made out of cast iron and charged with electrical current). The new, fun thing is pregnancy heartburn. If I so much as take a sip of water to moisten my throat, which is undoubtedly dry from all the mouth-breathing I do thanks to pregnancy nasal congestion, and then lie down -- on any side at all -- I will instantly suffer searing, eye-opening heartburn pain that hurts all the way into my ears and gives me a headache. I take my Tums, and also my one remaining prescription medication for the various gastric ailments that have hospitalized me twice with ulcers -- most of those meds are no-nos in pregnancy-- but it still hurts enough to wake me up. So I try not to ingest anything within 3 hours of lying down. Of course, the Pregnancy Books say I should lie down once every few hours to relieve the obscene and disturbing pregnancy edema I have in my ankles, which were never svelte to begin with, and it also says that I should eat six small meals a day (which just about works, since I can only eat about half a chicken breast before I get full) and drink water all day long, so . . . . f**** it. Shoot me now. If I hadn't had a little Jewish leprechaun of a very skilled doctor once tell me that I'd probably die young of esophageal cancer if I couldn't get my gastric distress under control, maybe I'd be able to sleep through the heartburn.
Meanwhile, D's suggestion is that we try having him sleep in another room. We have a queen-sized bed, and it is tight quarters, what with me, him, Abby and the boyfriend, but I will miss him if he's not there. So then I might just be lying there miserable and frustrated and awake, but not even comforted by D's snorty, kicking, quilt-stealing maleness. Still, the only time I can sleep for an uninterrupted hour seems to be after he's got up and gone to work, when I find myself still on my side, but in sort of a more free-flowy kind of side-sleeping, limbs akimbo. I think it still has more to do with the fact that by the time 6:30 arrives I am so completely exhausted that I could sleep through one o' them single-fiber EMGs, but he may have a point. We may have to try separate beds. Another option might be for me to move to the couch, where as I've reported before I have been able on multiple occasions to nap for two hours straight. Lately, the heartburn is a problem there, too, but maybe that can be overcome in some way.
If you mommies out there have any ideas that might keep me from blowing my brains out, please let me know. The first one of you to think, much less say, anything along the lines of, "Just wait until the baby comes, if you don't think you can get any sleep now!' is in BIG TROUBLE.
2 comments:
i feel your pain. i swear i didn't sleep for either of my pregnancies--the entire time. it was torture. a few thoughts:
1. while sleeping on your left side may be better, sleeping on your right side is still better than on your back. i'm a right-side sleeper and i stayed a right-side sleeper, through all my tossing and turning.
2. flat on your back is the problem. one nurse told me to tuck something, like a pillow under one hip which is sorta like sleeping half on your back, half on your side. that sometimes gave me some relief.
3. i used a snoogle pillow. it's like a big "s" shaped pillow that worked better for me than the traditional prego pillow.
4. i had HORRIBLE indigestion. nothing helps. i think it ate a bottle of tums everyday. seriously. it supposedly means you're going to have a baby with hair. my friend once told me that she was having a gorilla if her indigestion was any indication (just a little humor to make you laugh). stay away from all carbonated beverages, at a minimum and stick to the small meals.
5. my trigger was someone (everyone???) telling me that my inability to sleep during pregnancy was "God's way of getting me prepared for the first three months." It's not appropriate to repeat my response here, but suffice it to say that it wasn't pretty.
The great thing is that once mermaid is here, the indigestion and sleeping discomfort are immediately gone. like a trigger and it is SWEET RELIEF. so much so, in fact, that you won't mind the the other type of sleep deprivation for, well, a few days at least.
You made me feel so much better. You have no idea! Just knowing it's not only me! (And that it will end!) Thank you!!
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